I have realised lately that I don’t like my dark, 70% Lindt chocolate any more. I’ve tried a couple of other brands, but again noticed that, decidedly, it’s just not nice. Either it’s not sweet enough, or it’s just the chocolate – I’m not sure. In any case, I thought I would eat my last few squares (couldn’t quite deal with the ‘waste’ issue in that instance, I’m sorry to say...) and not replenish my supplies and see what would happen. Luckily, it coincided with my time away. When I’m away, I never even think of chocolate, let alone eat it. Whereas when I’m at home, I always eat a square with my breakfast (because 1) It’s good for you and 2) I enjoy it).
So anyway, I finished my last square, I went away, I didn’t miss it, and yesterday morning I tried my first breakfast at home without chocolate. In fact, I didn’t even think about it until later – ‘Hey! By the way! I’ve eaten my cereals... without chocolate!’ I didn’t feel deprived (as I thought/dreaded I might be – perhaps it would send me straight to the corner shop for a few bars!), I didn’t miss it, and I promptly forgot about it all.
Ditto this morning.
You know what? I’m on to something here! Yes, because the same happened with biscuits. Slowly slowly, I reduced my intake: just two at a time, several times a day; just two at a time, only with my yoghurt at lunch time and after dinner; just two a time any time I wanted them; just one at a time with my yoghurt etc., down to mostly no biscuits – EVER! I haven’t had a biscuit for ages! Unbelievable! This time last year (well, in fact, in April 2006), I was wolfing them down, 10 at a time!
So if this happened to me, surely it can happen to anybody. My closest friends can testify.
What progress have you made?
Tuesday 24 July 2007
T for ‘trying’ – and my greatest achievement
I apologise for the silence on this blog. I’m not too sure what happened. I guess it’s a combination of ‘everything’s going well, not much to write about’, ‘no time to write’ and also going away for a few days.
The good news is: I’m definitely back on track and things are easy at the moment. I just hope it will last. Last time things were going so well, it lasted three months (from January to March), my record! Maybe this time it will last four months? Who knows...
I’ve even lost a few more hundred grammes – 700. I’ve checked and that’s the weight I was in March, so it’s not a major achievement in itself. Between March and now, I’ve been oscillating between 76.3kg and 77.3kg. But I know that if I carry on eating like I’ve been eating, the weight will come off, slowly slowly.
But for me, it’s not such a worry any more, it’s not the main issue. I think the fact that I’m staying more or less at the same weight while eating anything I want whenever I want and however much of it I want is an accomplishment in itself. I know that I have to sort out my anxiety eating first, before the weight comes off for good. At the end of March/beginning of April, it all went wrong because I became anxious about a visit from a distant family member and I felt the pressure of having to be perfect at everything: the cooking (especially!) , the ‘taking them out’, the ‘entertaining them’, the way I dressed, the way I talked. It was just awful.
However, amazingly, after that person left, I managed to relax again, and when the next visitor came (at the end of April) I stayed relaxed, very aware of my feelings and my (potentially erratic) eating. This led to my greatest achievement so far: I joined my husband and the visitor (his great-aunt) at the pub but didn’t eat anything.
Nothing at all!
I had eaten breakfast quite late because I had gone for a bike ride first thing that morning, so when we got the pub at quarter past 12, I wasn’t hungry in the slightest. I had been soooo annoyed with myself for letting the previous visitor ruin my eating patterns that I was adamant I wouldn’t let this one do it to me as well. I said I really wasn’t hungry and apologised for not eating with them, but ‘really, I can’t, I’m really not hungry’. And then, when we went for a stroll in a National Trust park and at quarter past 3 I was getting quite hungry, I had a scone when they had a cup of tea at the park’s tea room.
I felt sooo strong after that! It was exhilarating, to be able to do the thing I most dreaded: not eat while others are eating, and vice versa.
I have noticed on this journey that if you’re willing to try something just once, this thing (whatever it may be – for example, stopping as soon as you’ve had enough, or listening to your stomach to find out exactly what you want to eat) becomes easier the next time you do it, and you wonder why you haven’t tried it before.
Try it!
The good news is: I’m definitely back on track and things are easy at the moment. I just hope it will last. Last time things were going so well, it lasted three months (from January to March), my record! Maybe this time it will last four months? Who knows...
I’ve even lost a few more hundred grammes – 700. I’ve checked and that’s the weight I was in March, so it’s not a major achievement in itself. Between March and now, I’ve been oscillating between 76.3kg and 77.3kg. But I know that if I carry on eating like I’ve been eating, the weight will come off, slowly slowly.
But for me, it’s not such a worry any more, it’s not the main issue. I think the fact that I’m staying more or less at the same weight while eating anything I want whenever I want and however much of it I want is an accomplishment in itself. I know that I have to sort out my anxiety eating first, before the weight comes off for good. At the end of March/beginning of April, it all went wrong because I became anxious about a visit from a distant family member and I felt the pressure of having to be perfect at everything: the cooking (especially!) , the ‘taking them out’, the ‘entertaining them’, the way I dressed, the way I talked. It was just awful.
However, amazingly, after that person left, I managed to relax again, and when the next visitor came (at the end of April) I stayed relaxed, very aware of my feelings and my (potentially erratic) eating. This led to my greatest achievement so far: I joined my husband and the visitor (his great-aunt) at the pub but didn’t eat anything.
Nothing at all!
I had eaten breakfast quite late because I had gone for a bike ride first thing that morning, so when we got the pub at quarter past 12, I wasn’t hungry in the slightest. I had been soooo annoyed with myself for letting the previous visitor ruin my eating patterns that I was adamant I wouldn’t let this one do it to me as well. I said I really wasn’t hungry and apologised for not eating with them, but ‘really, I can’t, I’m really not hungry’. And then, when we went for a stroll in a National Trust park and at quarter past 3 I was getting quite hungry, I had a scone when they had a cup of tea at the park’s tea room.
I felt sooo strong after that! It was exhilarating, to be able to do the thing I most dreaded: not eat while others are eating, and vice versa.
I have noticed on this journey that if you’re willing to try something just once, this thing (whatever it may be – for example, stopping as soon as you’ve had enough, or listening to your stomach to find out exactly what you want to eat) becomes easier the next time you do it, and you wonder why you haven’t tried it before.
Try it!
Friday 6 July 2007
Candle
...And so today, I ate mindfully, and it was a real delight! I even lit up a candle, as advised by Audrey and Sophie in Beyond Chocolate, and I decided that I would light it up for every meal eaten at home, as a reminder to think about what I eat and to pause halfway through the meal to ask myself ‘Am I satisfied yet?’ and to stop eating if I am.It’s a bit painful, after all this time, to have to start from scratch again, but I know, from experience, that it’s only temporary (the pain, that is!). I’m back on track and it will be second nature again before I know it.
Every time, it’s easier to get back on track, and the ‘slipping’ doesn’t last half as long.
IE is the only solution
I don’t know if Alicetini was (in part) referring to me in her second comment on Sweet Chocolate Kisses' blog when she wrote:
I was even tempted to delete my previous post, the one about Gillian Riley’s Eating Less, so furious I was with myself for having been led astray once more.
What an idiot I’ve been! Why do we keep looking for solutions elsewhere? As soon as the going gets tough, we try dieting again, we try exercising more, we try seeing our food problem as an addiction and so as something that needs controlling.
Indeed, it occurred to me on Wednesday afternoon that if I was following Gillian Riley’s advice again, it was because my control freakiness was taking over once more, because I couldn’t can’t quite let go of my food problem and trust my body. I think it was reassuring rereading her book last week because it was all about controlling things, and I needed that. I felt out of control. But then on Wednesday, I realised I was making a step backwards rather than forwards.
Last night, I started rereading Beyond Chocolate, and oh it made so much more sense than Eating Less! Why on earth did I stop believing in IE for even one second?
However, Alicetini is right: it helps sometimes to try something else – just to realise that IE truly is the only solution. It helps us to get back on track.
So here’s to IE!
I've noticed a few of us are looking around for alternatives to BC/IE recently (case in point, me and the extremely brief diet) so maybe shaking things up a bit and experimenting with having some rules might help?but it sure rang true for me. I recognised myself as one of these people...
I was even tempted to delete my previous post, the one about Gillian Riley’s Eating Less, so furious I was with myself for having been led astray once more.
What an idiot I’ve been! Why do we keep looking for solutions elsewhere? As soon as the going gets tough, we try dieting again, we try exercising more, we try seeing our food problem as an addiction and so as something that needs controlling.
Indeed, it occurred to me on Wednesday afternoon that if I was following Gillian Riley’s advice again, it was because my control freakiness was taking over once more, because I couldn’t can’t quite let go of my food problem and trust my body. I think it was reassuring rereading her book last week because it was all about controlling things, and I needed that. I felt out of control. But then on Wednesday, I realised I was making a step backwards rather than forwards.
Last night, I started rereading Beyond Chocolate, and oh it made so much more sense than Eating Less! Why on earth did I stop believing in IE for even one second?
However, Alicetini is right: it helps sometimes to try something else – just to realise that IE truly is the only solution. It helps us to get back on track.
So here’s to IE!
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